fast-approaching

Well, well, well. It seems that my latest trip to Tumbledown is nigh. Hopefully I am able to not get lost this time. I blame the Boy Scouts (and I really do) for my last deviation from the path.

Mount Washington will be next week's adventure... Why not do 2 mountains in a week? It's GOOD FOR YOU. Except for your legs. It's definitely not good for them.

Knees either.

schteve's

I am at the boss' house at present, watching his little demon-football dog. Zach is pretty awesome - quite possibly the one dog in the world that I do like. Currently, he's barking at the wall. I'm not sure what transgressions the wall may have committed, but it is being reprimanded quite harshly for them.

I'm going to go to sleep now, because that's what I do. Sleep before 10:30. Constantly.

walk walk walk

I'm not feeling creative right now. I'm not feeling much of anything at all.

Went for the charity walk thing this weekend - we raised almost $6000. That's not too bad.

Went swimming in the ocean, too. Still have to go in November, but this is a good reminder of what is to come.

This whole "sentences without subjects" thing isn't really working out for me right now, so I'm going to go for a run.

hey it's september.

Apparently, I don't write in this enough. In my defense, I had a very stressful week... That's really all of the defense you'll get, though.

I'm about to set off on a run to work so I can do a couple of things I forgot to do yesterday, so that's pretty awesome. And um... What else?

I got my new bed, which is also awesome. But the box spring did not fit up the stupid staircase, so I need to order a split foundation. I don't know what any of that means, so I'll let the furniture store take care of it or whatever. I'm sleeping on a nice mattress now, anyway.

In technical news, I figured out how to set up a software RAID, and I couldn't be prouder of me. Now I just wish that my HDs matched RPMs so I could actually utilize it. Damn!

Well, so, this is disjointed... But I'm walking in a charity thingie on Sunday - I raised $160 in less than 24 hours for it. I kind of wish that I had REMEMBERED during the times in the past month that I could have raised a lot more... But I was busy. Too busy filling numbers into excel sheets to care about dying children. Yea, great, that sounds just... terrible. Damn it, I need to go examine some life choices now.

rainyrain

It was pouring rain, so we went to a baseball game. And by we, I do mean me. And Nik.

And Mary.

And Jackie and Greg and Angela and Justin and Lexi and Celia and Tony.

And probably other people, such as Claire, who I can't remember.

John too.

That had better be everyone... Well, the baseball game was rained out (thankfully... I absolutely hate spectating) and we got to play some ultimate frisbee instead. Justin's suggestion of guys vs. girls fell through, so we counted off (1... 2... 1... 2...) and it ended up being guys vs. girls and Brian. We lost, but only by 2 points. AND I got to ruin my wrinkled white button-up shirt forever.

This was followed by pumpkin bread and english muffin pizzas... Cookies, beer, lots of healthy awesome fare - and catching up on memories from our years at UNE. Yes, those were good times... All of us, especially Mary and I, that went to UNE did a bit of reminiscing. But it turned out that we were soaking wet for hours, so we had to go home and die or something. I really don't remember.

missing

I keep getting decent amounts of sleep. I believe that it truly affects my mood and abilities in a negative way... What I need is to go back to 4 hours of sleep a night and a crazy schedule of 10 hours of work and 2 hours of working out daily.

Obviously this whole "quasi-normalcy" thing isn't working out for me.

Also, I have begun exercising once more after a hiatus of approximately 2 weeks. I'm disappointed in me.

I hate blogger

I wrote a nice, long, incredibly funny and insightful post this morning. Blogger then proceeded to crash and lose everything... Half of that is a lie.

So here's the repost and report:

Went to Margarita's last night. Corona and tequila are bad.

I had a lot of both.

Then I went to sleep.

I'm sure that there's other stuff in there too, but I really don't care.

lost time

I'm not really sure what happened to the last 2 weeks. I've accomplished absolutely nothing, but earned one paycheck. I can't even remember any of the days. I wonder if that means I'm drinking too much... or not enough.

entertainment

as i sit here, in my underwear, watching the speed trap on main street, through binoculars, listening to 80s music, past my bedtime, drinking soda, i can't help but to think:

man
i wish i was drinking bud light right now

then i sort of wonder why people don't pay attention to the giant lighted sign that says "SPEED LIMIT 25 MPH. TOO FAST SLOW DOWN!" right before the speed trap. but my brain tires quickly and i drift off into a restless sleep.

sodium

I had a conversation at work today with a salesperson. He called me over to his desk, gesturing with his whole hand to illustrate that I should make haste.

"So I went to a waterpark with my sister this weekend," he begins, "and we decided to have lunch." This sounded important. I decided to stay.

After he described in great detail what kinds of food they ate (I wasn't really even listening), he got to the point, "She had some chips and a water or something, but I had Gatorade. She said, 'Oh, I can't have many of these chips. There's too much sodium in here. You should look at your Gatorade.'"

The whole point of this story is that Gatorade has an extremely high sodium content. Higher, apparently, than a bag of chips.

I attempted to explain that, as a sports drink, Gatorade has a certain sodium "expectation", if you will, to live up to. Sports drinks = calories + sodium + electrolytes... They're basically bottled yak sweat. This didn't seem to make sense to him: I don't really know how to respond to a blank stare, as it turns out. So I told him to look at the salt content of a milkshake sometime.

It's totally going to blow his mind.

Pee-Tee-Oh

Got a half day off. That leaves me with only 6 or 8 more days of time off that I've earned. Oh no!

In the news, I got a new hard drive and video card (because I totally needed them). I've been being a huge nerd lately, but that will likely end at some point... Maybe

Descriptive Paragraph Vs. Haiku

Last night was my favourite type of summer night. The air was cool and dry, yet alive enough to make the trees dance in its breeze. Sodium streetlights blanketed leaves, grass and pavement in an orangey-pink light, leaving the sky above dark and hidden. I found myself looking down the street, watching the red streaks of taillights on the main road fade slowly into town. The entire sky was suddenly illuminated as lightning fluttered tbrough the darkness. Blinding white bolts were visible as they leapt from cloud to cloud, clearly defining the thunderheads racing across the horizon. I watched the storm in the distance for twenty minutes before falling into my first restful sleep since moving into the new apartment.

Lullaby
A cool breeze last night,
Prelude to the distant storm.
At last - I can sleep.

WD-40

I put that all over the front doorhinges. Now the ninjas can get in unnoticed.

Through the front door.

August (fat month) is HERE

Great. This month reminds me of gravy.

It's hot and stupid out - but we (Nik'n I) moved to our new apartment. It's all of 15 seconds from the old house. However, we're not on Main Street anymore - which means no more retards yelling on the sidewalk outside or retards getting into accidents on our front lawn.

Idiots. It's out of the welfare village and into a slightly less welfare community. We've got FLOWERS in our lawn.

So anyway, the internets were installed today... Thus, I've paid a bunch of debts online and updated all sorts of things. I feel like I've gotten a ton accomplished - work included. I'm so caught up at my job, it's SCARY. I'm only going to do an 8 hour day tomorrow. That's practically unheard of.

As far as plans, currently, I'm thinking about buying a car. Civic or Corolla is what I'm thinking, and in coupe form. These are expensive... Which sucks. I don't want a new one, for I'm sure to put some dents into it. I'd rather have something broken in that I don't care too much about. I hate driving enough as it is.

Also, I'm thinking about a trip to Florida as a vacation in November. I've already got like a week of vacation time accrued, and that'll be a trip for $200. It's win-win, I tell ya!

Revelations 45:10

Uhh... Leviticus... Deuteronomy... Mistoffelees... Mufasa... Whatever.

The point is that I have learned something new (once more). The story begins as such:
Perhaps to celebrate my soon-to-be-moving, perhaps because it was Thursday, or perhaps for some other unfathomable reason, Pam, Audra, Rick and I ended up at Ruby Tuesday.

Pam bowed out after 3 rounds and Audra after 7, as Rick and I raced to achieve the prestigous level of alcohol poisoning... Long story short, I can't guess people's taste in music (bought 2 rounds), and I can't control my credit card when I'm drunk(bought another 4 rounds). After that, I have only vague (crystal clear) recollections.

Did you know that there are places where there is a $6 cover charge that I did not have to pay? These locations seem to be open at a time when you get kicked out of all other bars... I wrote up a whole list of things that I learned this night, but I decided that I would not share them with you.

Rest assured, Rick has a lot of twenty dollar bills. I learned this.

I did not pay a single dollar after Ruby Tuesday. That is an achievement... I think.

Ride!

Did the River Trail with Jackie and Greg today - fairly amazing. Also, it was raining, so the trail was slippery and probably infested with ticks. Greg got all the ticks, though. He's also an amazingly talented mountain biker. I was in awe.

To end the fun ride, we swung off a rope swing into the river. It was probably polluted and full of leeches, but I didn't care. I did it anyway.

I slept 14 hours last night and had to suffer through most of today with a bad headache because of it. Let that be a lesson to all of you: never sleep. Ever.

Promise me.

BBqueue

That was last night (farewell to Westbrook apartment). Attendees: Jackiegregjustinangelaceliatonyemilyjohnnickmarylindsaybrian. We done brung the dining room table outside and feeded the bugs with our sweet, sweet blood all evening. Also, there was a plate of meat.

This apartment was probably the most fun place I ever lived. Goodbye, old apartment - Nick and I will be signing our new lease in 3 hours.

Things I will miss:
$300/month rent
2 bathrooms
Mowing the lawn
Our beautiful snow sculptures (anatomically correct Santa)
Jackie, the cleaning spaz
Justin, the expecting mother
Having no neighbors within earshot
The dog cage
Justin's TV, Greg's TV

Things I will not miss:
Having the heat shut off in my room
Jackie's TV, Nick's TV
The immortal self-repeating franken-ants that live in my bedroom
The smaller ants that infest the kitchen
Our basement full of strange and wonderful fungii
Main street

Hades gots nothin' on my room

I worked from 6:30-6:30 today. It's too hot to work. It's too hot to sleep. It's too hot to live.

It does seem that I will be living in an apartment for the next year. It is right down the road from where I live now, only in a better neighborhood. Here's to that - I am actually excited. Moving day is ... sometime between now and the 31st, that's for sure. Shit. I think we lose internet tomorrow.

That's not cool.

Martha Stewart

Nik am just said that. GOAL! (killnikonanaplineslope)

toomuch

It's hard, I've discovered, to go from a life of zero responsibility and accountability to the polar opposite.

I am extremely overworked this week, I am stressed out, I need to find an apartment, I can't stop eating, I can't start exercising... I'm pretty sure I've regained all of the weight I lost (stupidly lost) for Katahdin by now.

But, hey, soon enough, the employment evaluation and apartment hunting will be over. Then I will be free. Like that gladiator guy who was Russel Crowe.

Katahdineer

Climbed ye olde Katahdinne yesterday. I certainly have pictures, but I certainly hate you all as well. Maybe I'll put some in... Let's see. Ok, I took them out. I told you I hated you.

I do love that mountain. It's probably the best hike ever.

No Fireworks

I do not care for fireworks, nor do I care for the Fourth of July. Go figure. It's another of your human "holidays" that I hate. Big suprise.

Irrational loathing aside, in an act of forced attrition, I did celebrate this holiday. By drinking in public, that is.

Y'see, Nik, Mary, Matt, Kate and I journeyed down to my old apartment near the boulevard in Portland. To park. We then carried a lot of beer(s) to an apartment around a mile away. The sheer amount of times that I said "we're going to die" and claimed that we were lost would boggle your mind. I'm practically the funniest person in the world. I think that Matt wanted to kill me.

However, we did eventually arrive at Matt's friend's apartment. It was the hottest night that ever existed, so I tried to stay outside. Basically I ended up getting annoyed and drinking a good amount of the beer(s) on our massive tarp while listening to Matt's closed captions for the colorblind during the fireworks (RED! BLUE! GREEEEEEEN!). I believe they started shouting out shapes at some point, but I got drunk FAST. The rest of the night consisted of me attempting to make the world stop spinning by passing out on floors and blacking out otherwise.

That was probably the best fourth of July since before the liberation of this great nation.

What does the Fourth of July celebrate, anyway?

Mountain, ho!

Father's 65th or whatever birthday is coming up. Actually, I think he's 56 or something. I'm probably dyslexic.

So it looks like we'll be climbing Katahdin to celebrate (and see if old people can climb, I suppose). I have decided to try to lose some weight for the trip - 15 lbs before I go. That's just a made-up goal, but I've already lost a bunch (around 7) with my incredible diet of eating everything I see.

I'm the epitome of healthy living or something.

gots me a tripod

I got a tripod through trickery!

Also in the news lately, there was a 2-alarm fire at work so I had to work from home for awhile.

I can't think of anything else.

uninspired

I've been very uninspired lately.

No, that's it. I've got nothing for you people.

NOTHING. LEAVE ME ALONE.

No more May

You may have noticed that May is my favourite of all months. It is over, and I am sad (long story short).

I'm going to go water my cactus now and go to sleep. 'Cuz that's how I ROLL, yo dawg. I think that's how it's said.

Nope, actually, I am going to fold laundry. The fun NEVER ENDS.

work, work, work, sleep!

Rinse & Repeat!

consumer

I bought a friggin' bike... and shoes... and a bunch of other stuff. Basically, I've spent almost $2000 on bikes in the past month. I now can not buy anything for awhile... Whoops.

But mountain biking is still awesome.

Seventy-Seven

Today is a landmark occasion. That's right: I've wasted my time on 77 stupid, inane posts. Now I'm going to go not work another 13 hour day. Because that's what I did yesterday. Due to insanity. Verbless sentences.

Also, I'm thinking about buying a mountain bike. Mountain bikes are AWESOME.

Post-wedding stuffs

Wedding in the Masturbachusetts - awesome times. Too much free beer leads to me thinking that dancing is a good idea... Leads to me thinking that dancing with guys is a good idea. Well, whatever. Homogayness aside, I really enjoyed myself.

Lately, I've been working 10-11 hour days, and a few hours on the weekends. Sadly, my life outside of work has been busier than ever too. I don't really understand it, but it's pretty awesome.

My bike is finally all better (she got sick, but I paid 200 dollars to make her better than new). Now I ride everywhere. Good thing I just bought a full tank of gas... I don't even drive to work anymore. Well, I suppose there's always... umm... something. I'm tired. I have to get up in 5.5 hours for work. Screw you all.

Diez Dias

Haha, they're almost the same word!

Also, Tony's b-day celebracion was this day. Well, yesterday, really. We went down to Biddeford and had a lot of meats/ribs and burned things on the beach. I burned myself a few times, jumped over the bonfire and ran into the ocean. It was pretty much an awesome time.

Justin's getting married later today in Massachusetts. Byebye, roommate. I should probably go to sleep, but I won't.

ph'for days

I wrote this post but totally didn't post it. Thus, a week later, I have deleted my draft and written this lovely, suitable replacement:

I hate you all
I have no friends
My name is Pete

Neha!

Hoona igna chowa neha!

Treeage

I climbed the tree in my front yard today. I've been trying to do that since we moved into the apartment - This means that I am finally in shape (the first branch is about 10' in the air, so you have to run up the trunk and jump to grab it). I just thought I'd tell you all.

whew, busy day

Bought a bbq grill, a propane tank, gassed up the lawnmower/pickup truck, mowed the lawn, went clothes shopping, went grocery shopping, worked a little... Still need to run, but for now, I'm going to collapse into a nap.

sink-o day mayonnaise

Ultimate frisbee on the beach and swimming in the ocean... What an awesome afternoon. The "getting drunk and watching stupid internet movies" thing in Falmouth wasn't all that bad either!

stupid Thursday

I left work early today. That is to say, I left work on time today. But I forgot to do something and I feel stupid now.

Also, why do people try to talk to me while I'm running? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? No, I don't want to stop running to give you directions. I will stop, but I will give incorrect ones. No, I don't want to talk to hooligans on the street. I don't want to talk to anybody for that matter. When I am running, if I don't stop and talk to you, stay the hell away from me.

You have been warned.

crickets

My room is officially infested with spiders. I couldn't be happier.

I don't mind spiders one bit. It's crickets that freak me out. I absolutely HATE crickets.

Highlights (for childrens)

The highlights of the day:

I tried to convince my boss to let me work from home instead of ever coming into the office again (is it a good sign that she wouldn't stop laughing?).

I worked sitting underneath my desk for a half hour.

I locked myself in a closet.

I ate uncooked meat and felt GREAT!

I also ate $25 worth of Thai food... and ALSO felt great!

12 hoursss

And I'm still hyper. I had 7 Pepsii. That's the plural for Pepsi now.

See, 'cuz we had a meeting at work. With free food. So I ate 7 sandwiches and stuff. Also, I don't drink caffeine. I'm hyperbouncingoffthewalls right now.

I worked a 12 hour day today. It felt like 5. I'm starting to worry. Heh.

hairscut

Yes. Yesterday, I got many of my hairs cut. I also went for my longest (and greatest) canoe trip of the year. Alex and I chased beavers and ducks. I saw some minnows!

Today's activities included a trip to boss Steve's house to fix his intertr0n pro'llems, and frisbee on the track with Angela and Nik. It was diving practice, so I am extremely sore right now.

I must say: Life is pretty frickin' excellent at the moment. Everything's looking up - I'm not even sick anymore. PLUS, I get my bike back on Friday! I rule!

News

News... Umm... I returned $300 worth of stuff that I bought and couldn't afford, but now can, but now returned 'cuz I'm trying to eliminate all of my debt 'cuz I now can!
If that made any sense to you... Umm... Congrats.

I got the pickup truck back. What my parents (who read this blog) don't know is that I will be keeping it.

forever

Probably not. I barely even drive it. I've almost used an eigth of a tank of gas since I got it last week sometime. I do love it though.

Also, I've been sick for the past week. It's hard to tell with me, though. But when I'm sick, I don't do ANYTHING at all. I've been a wonderful waste of space! ...

a waste of space that goes to work everyday...

I need a promotion. Another 2-4 grand a year would be nice. I think I'll ask on Monday.

Remember when

Yea, remember that time that I went a week without posting after my last post about not posting? Me neither. Apparently I hate my blog and everyone who reads it. Also, when you get a full time job and have incredibly important things to do, blogging just isn't that interesting anymore.

Maybe I'll post from time to time, probably not. HAH!

A new record!

It has been 4 days since my last post. Maybe. That's probably a new record, but I don't really care to check. Pre-February entries do not count. Maybe it's pre-March. Again, I don't care to... Whatever.

A lot of people have asked about my new job. I still don't exactly know what the entire job entails. Thus, neither shall you. They fired the last person who did part of my job right before they hired me. I am my own department in a company of around 100 people. There is no one else who can do what I do. I have no one to turn to for help. Let me put it this way: I am pretty handy with computers, statistics and databases. This job utilizes all of these skills, and challenges me to the mental breaking point every day.

As with everything I do, I have made exponential increases in ability and comprehension in these few days of immersion, and it is only probably the matter of a little more time before I either do break down, or know everything there is to know... or everything that I need to know.

I'm hoping for a mental breakdown!!!

Reports

Started the new job yesterday... I actually enjoy what I'm doing, and we'll see how that works out in the long term. My bosses both have my cellphone number and each has called me once so far. Eek. Perks of the job: now I have 2 laptops and a desktop at home with 15" ultrabright, 17" widescreen, and 19" digital LCD panels... Glee!

Also, the canoe trip Thursday went swimmingly. I'll probably link some pictures into the post sooner or later. I've just been exhausted lately.

Being 24 is stupid. I'm not a quarter of a century old. Not yet.

Final Days...

These are the final hours of the winter... spring... of my discontent... You know, I lost whatever I was trying to say there. The deeper meaning behind my ramblings is that I begin a career tomorrow. In order to best depart from my fantasy world of not working and doing nothing all day, I will celebrate my aforementioned final hours by going for a canoe trip with not-aforementioned Nik. If we flip the canoe, we might die. Stupid Maine waters. I suppose I should point out that there is always a very good chance of the canoe rolling when I am involved in the trip.

dum

I may have done something stupid yesterday. But maybe not! You'll never know. What you do need to know is that I have accepted a job offer, and will begin on the 14th, pretty much right after I turn 24. I guess I'm old enough to start thinking about retirement now, right? Maybe not. I'm thinking about quitting, though, and I haven't even started yet. That's the spirit!

hangovers and broomsticks

I suppose I had it coming. I have asked for a hangover countless times, and have been denied my request countless times. Finally, I have achieved my goal, however. Here's how I did it:

Saturday Afternoon: I dropped off the truck at my parents' house and ate a quick lunch there. I then decided to bike to every location in the known world. First up was a trip to my Uncle's house, where we discussed music transfer, pond creation and baking. Second on the agenda involved backtracking through Cumberland to Falmouth to yell at Mary's car. Mary was at a cookout, however, and could not be disturbed by my insanity. Then I went and visited Mackworth Island, came back, and hit Baxter Boulevard. I stopped for a liter of water at this point, and Troy called me.

Around the boulevard I went - and down along the coast to the Old Port. From there, I continued to circle Portland by biking under the Casco Bay Bridge and then up and around to Hadlock Field and then the ugly, horrible park. I got scared by crazy people in the park so I fled under 295 to USM. It was only a hop, skip and a jump from there back home... I estimate that I traveled 40 miles in all. I couldn't walk when I got home, so I practiced passing out.

Saturday Evening: Jackie decided that her birthday night would be a good night to invite people over to celebrate or some crap, so I was bothered by the makings of a party all evening. Justin and Troy made it impossible for me to be antisocial, so I decided to get as drunk as possible instead. Since I don't remember much of the evening after we snuck out to Shaws to get more alcohol, I cannot tell you how much I drank... However, there were 2 Irish Carbombs, 2 Coronas, an IPA, a White Ale, and 4 Blueberry Wheat Ales (all drank as quickly as possible... I'm retarded) that I am sure of. Anything beyond that was probably poured into my mouth by JUSTIN THE ASS. He also stuck a cookie in my mouth right out of the oven and burned me.

Sunday Morning: I know that I had a small glass of water and went for 3 long walks outside. I also know that everyone ended up in my room except me... Until around 1 AM when I decided to pass out cold for 7 hours. When I awoke at 8 AM (Justin came into my room while I was asleep and woke me up, actually), I felt a bit nauseous and had a medium headache, so I took a Tylenol and went back to sleep. I was awoken by Jackie coming into my room again around 9:30 and decided that I hate everyone. However, the headache was gone and the nausea was lessened. So I ate some eggs and felt fine at around 10 AM. What a stupid hangover. I probably deserved it because I called everyone fat.

Eulogy

On Friday, I said my final fare-thee-well to the pickup truck. It has been a good week, but I must return to minivan horribleness once more. Nik and I took the pickup out to the Old Port to get ourselves some delicious, delicious sushi at around 10:00. We originally intended to get Thai, then pizza... But we had no luck. Because of locusts.

Brian's pickup truck - April 1, 2006 - April 8, 2006.
R.I.P. at my parents' house. Darnit.

I'm unenlightened!

I don't watch television at all anymore and haven't since this summer, really... I can't get into it, "Oh look - a completely unbelievable and scripted situation posing as drama! Let's see how the character reads the poorly written dialogue to determine a way out of it that has been conceived by such clever writers. I totally haven't seen this before." I do catch the occasional episode of The Daily Show and Southpark, though. Well-done comedy and documentaries are all that I can seem to stomach.

I esentially listen to public radio all day: news, classical music and random talk programs. My favourites so far have been an E.E. Cummings lecture, and A La Votre every Friday with Jacques Santucci - he's probably the funniest guy I've ever heard, and he says everything in French and English. Executive Summary? I'm picking up a better understanding of spoken French. Uh-oh. Pretty soon I'll be eating... ummm... croissants or something.

People talk about celebrities now, and I'm all, "What? Who?", but talk about contemporary political or socioeconomic issues in the middle east and I'm all over it. This makes me sad. I hate issues.

I never talk about employment

I got an official job offer today. I'm still interviewing again tomorrow with another company that I also really want to work for, however, so I'm going to take the weekend to think about it. Then I will pit the companies against one another in a gruesome battle to the death with me as the prize! All of my ideas are awesome.

Discussed earlier this evening:

Someone describing a "Major League" play is not trying to be funny if he is referring to actions actually performed by Major Leaguers. He is trying to be factual.

Also, don't stick anything into a hole in a cactus when the owl that lives there is still inside. Owls are vicious creatures and they may or may not hatch from eggs.

Cavernous is a word of many vowels. Justin cannot spell it (up to his clavicles).

According to legend, when leading off a base in the game of base-ball, you are both "out" and "an idiot" if you lead in the wrong direction.

Despite rumors to the contrary, Nik cannot read. He spends many hours during the day staring at the pages in a book. Pretending.

Angela will be among those in attendence at her wedding this summer.

I am pregnant. Since I have no womb that I am aware of, the fetus will probably gestate in my large intestine.

"White noise" should make one want to cover one's ears.

The list of effective forms of birth control most likely does not include the method of throwing sand in someone's face and running away.

"Backdoor" knowledge: Ticks like warm, dark places. I cannot stress this enough.

Since hearing "Coco Crisp" makes me hungry, this may not be the best baseball season to try to lose weight.

I appreciate the fact that I'm not getting up in 4 hours for work. Oh wait, that's not fact, for it is fiction...

Since I have basically not slept in a week now, I apologize for anything I may say or do. I'm pretty much in another world at this point.

Jobs... Yet Again

Well, this is interesting. I haven't been stressed out at all since last May when I was trying to maintain a 4.0, graduate, work three jobs, leave Orono, and find a job and pretty much determine my entire future at the same time. I do believe that the situation pretty much caused me to snap and get drunk every night for the final few weeks of the semester. It resulted in a 3.92, no job, no future, an apartment in Westbrook, and this past year of living as a dirty, dirty hippie. Ugh. The failure.

Now that I am finally coming out of it, I find myself with a couple of very important job interviews (on Thursday and Friday). They're second interviews, too, so the companies are apparently quite interested in me. Up 'til now, I have been perfectly content to work moderate paying temporary jobs - I had no attachment to the work, and no like or dislike of it... So I could leave early or do a mediocre job and not feel badly at all about it. I really don't want that to change.

I've only been interested in 4 jobs in my life - one flew me out to California in May (I turned the job down because, as I do now, I forsaw my future of being a big fat corporate waste of space), one never got back to me in August, and now I've got the other two competing over me (but not really). If I take one of these jobs, I'm going to probably like it. If I like my job, I'm going to actually apply myself to succeed. I have barely even used my brain since last spring. This is a very scary time for me.

If I start working 60 hour weeks, give my job priority over anything else, stop working out and gain a bunch of weight, and end up turning into that waste of space that I dread... Hmm... I was going to ask you to kill me, but I'll already be dead on the inside.

Like prostitutes and people from the midwest.

Adventure

Well, it took me an hour to bike 20 miles home and to the bank. I don't think that's too shabby. It's also probably not 20 miles. Whatever. Westbrook-Portland-Falmouth-Cumberland-North Yarmouth isn't a short ride so LAY OFF.

So it was horribly wet and rainy during the ride, just like all the forecasts said. It's a good thing that there wasn't (not) a cloud in the sky. It's also a good thing that I'm not allergic to the sun. Because that would have sucked almost as much as my double negatives.

Bike trip highlights: Mackworth Island, downhill, the one stoplight in Cumberland Center, North Yarmouth Town Hall, Hair Care and Tire Center... Okay, I stole that. I am king plagiarist, though!

I got home and made the most awesome steak ever on the biggest grill ever. Since my dad shut off the water at home, I cooked my vegetables in Poland Spring water. $10 steak, Arizona Iced Tea and veggies cooked in spring water - that's the high life. Then I stole my father's pickup truck and drove my bike home because Justin and Angela wanted to go play tennis/frisbee and I needed to conserve my energy.

Today, I raked all the leaves in the side yard! There were a lot of leaves. There's now a monument built to nonexistence in the woods behind the house. Made of leaves. Maybe it's a pile. Being allergic to the sun sucks. The end.

Gimme

Ah, it's now my birthmonth. Great. Everyone: buy me something nice.

Preferably cash.

The Incredible Journey

That's right, folks. Tomorrow's gonna be rainy and not fun, but I will still attempt the bicycle trip that I have been planning... for about 3 hours now. Basically I'm going to go around 40 miles, to the bank, boulevard, home and back. Let's hope I survive.

I'm totally saving the environment this way. Just for this, I can dump extra motor oil onto the lawn.

Maybe I'll have some pictures for you tomorrow or the next day of my awesome, wet, miserable trip.

springtime flourishes

okay. it's 12:21 AM and i am still awake. capitalization, however, goes to bed at 11:30. i have just completed researching a company with which i will be speaking tomorrow, so i will give you another entry. and it's a HAIKU!!!

crocus

ugly purple plague
also: horribly yellow
springtime makes me sick


i took some flower pictures in our front yard when i was feigning illness on monday. i like flowers, ok? anyone want to fight about it?

I hate reflection

I can't believe that crappy March is almost over... or that I'll be 24 soon.

Here's what I've accomplished this month: I worked at a temp job for no more than 37.5 hours per week.

Nice. Just nice. I did get a permanent job today, except, I didn't take it. It just seemed wrong on so many levels. However, I do have interviews tomorrow and Friday with jobs that I actually really do want. So here's to that... It's also one of many reasons that I haven't been posting much as of late.

The other reason is that very, very bad thing that I did. In retrospect, it may have been one of the best things that I possibly could have done. However, the psychology behind that is very weird and I do not wish to get into it. You wouldn't understand. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME.

Looks like another night spent in the dark, under my bed, crying quietly.

Not Macabre

Home yesterday... For salmony goodness and my finished film. Perhaps some job stuff, too. That makes 3 incomplete sentences with only one psuedo-verb. And that's exactly the type of grammatical abomination that I've grown to expect from my writing.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Nothing to see here

I'm really pissed off that it isn't the 27th of March yet. Dear March: I hate you. Oh, and why don't you try, I don't know, actually snowing or something. Honestly, it's almost 50 degrees out right now. You've waffled around between being mind-numbingly cold and unseasonably warm for your entire duration. I've already stated that November is the month where days go to die... so let me evaluate the whole year:

January - I am cold, white, boring and sterile. Even my name is stupid. JANUARY. Sounds like one of the goddamned retarded Brady children.

February - "Oh, look at me. I'm February and I'm a short little abortion of a month." Go back to wherever it is that you came from, you little freak.

March - A worthless excuse for a month. Nothing good ever happened in March. Just ask Caesar. March just can't seem to make up its mind about what it wants to be. Grow up and accept some responsibility, you piece of crap. Get a job, too.

April - I hate girls named April, so I hate months named April too. Obviously, this is the slut of the months. The ugly, rainy slut.

May - Why do people name their children after months? Whatever. Despite hating the name, I actually do like May itself. Mildly warm, sunny, and all the beautiful flowers. I could go on for hours and hours about flowers. Oh, look, I've started rhyming! I'm going to go write a poem about springtime...

June - This month reminds me of bugs. June bugs, especially. Gross. Sorry, June, but you lose. Why can't June accomplish something other than producing fat, ugly bugs that fly into my mouth while I'm biking? Great. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

July - Yeah, great. Suddenly everyone's patriotic. Nothing can make hot, sticky, sweaty, disgusting July better. Except living in Alaska, maybe... or death's sweet embrace.

August - Ugh. The worst of all months for heat. And the name reminds me of greasy, obese children. Why the heck do I have that connotation? Time to seek mental help... P.S. - August: BURN IN HELL!

September - September's the month of the year where I decide to make up for being a slacker during all the other months. As you can probably see, it is a very stressful time for me... At least the first week is, then I give up. Also, I hate September.

October - Awww, you're my silver medal. I like October second-best out of all months. But, as Nik repeatedly tells me, "Second place is the first loser". So you lose, October. In Nik's twisted fantasy world, you lose. So take... that?

November - I already told you that this is a boring waste of a month. I'm going to stick with that assertion. November is January's homlier, more boring sister. November, quit wasting everyone's time. Change your name and try to be more like April. You'll be doing frat boys everywhere a service.

December - CHRISTMAS!!! Wait, I HATE Christmas. But I do love to hate Christmas, so you can see my plight. I'll give December my "best of the worst" rating. Congratulations, I hope it works out for you.

Aww, he's cute

I made a new special friend last night... Last night when Nik and Mary decided to force me to drink an undisclosed number of carbombs. With...

With their violence!

I played / made horrible noises on a guitar until I got a blister on my thumb, fell down (about 27 times) trying to do drunken acrobatics and hurt my tailbone. This is probably my most successful Friday since January! I'm so proud of me!

All for you

This one's going out to all of my awesome fans who leave me scary comments. Mostly, it goes out to my main blogging man, ronald. I have no idea who he is, or why there are inflatable women on his blog, or even why he commented on my kite flying in Spanish. All I know is that he's fighting the good fight. At least, I think he is.

Also, that guy who has dreams about homocide and comments after my pomes? Yea, props to him. I'll even go so far as to deem him worthy of mad props. You should all aspire to be like him in some way or another.

Finally, to the rest of my audience that didn't make it: try harder. Do you think former U.S. president Nixon just sat around on his ass while we were losing in Vietnam? No. He probably did something or another to affect matters there. Do you think he threw up his hands when he could have lost that election? No. He sent spies to... You know what? I know almost nothing about Nixon. This sucks. I looked him up on Google just now and learned that he's actually dead. I've been living a lie. I'm going to go now.

Very, very bad

I did something very, very bad yesterday. How bad? Bad enough that I won't write it in here because I don't want half of you to know.

I mean, it wasn't like malicious bad... but it was a bad idea.

I've been thinking more about V for Vendetta, and I must say that I really did like most of the movie. There were only a few parts that bothered me... You know that main character girl with the shaved head whose life-changing experiences are a major part of the story? Just take her weak, stupid, annoying ass out of the movie altogether. Then, strip V of his unncessary "super powers". Finally, get rid of all the metaphors that a bunch of movie-producing retards thought would be "so clever" and "appealing to the liberal mainstream". Do that, and I would be a huge fan.

I guess I just want to watch a delightfully well-spoken man prance around in a mask and tight black costume for 2 hours 24 minutes. GREAT. I'm not even going to bother saying "totally not gay" this time because I don't even think I believe myself anymore...

thoughts

I can use my cellphone as an FM radio now. This basically means that I listen to the news all day long at work. I absolutely hate the news. It makes me so mad.

This is an experiment, however. Either I'll become a complete psychopath or I'll become more comfortable with politics. My guess? Hmm... I'm going to have to go with hatred.

Donuty goodness

The day before today? I ate 8 donuts. EIGHT DONUTS.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I consume food like a normal human being? Like my last Paad Thai adventure... Five stars, at the place where the spicers are CRUEL. I took a picture because the meal was basically red with pepper and spice oil and firey, firey death. Oh that was the best food I've had in awhile... Yummmm.

Chaffee'd

Chris came over yesterday. It was pretty awesome... Margarita's and V for Vendetta/Vengeance/Vasectomy/whatever. The movie wasn't so great - but it wasn't terrible. I think I was probably buzzing from Pina Coladas (Chris says they're a VERY manly drink and that he isn't ashamed to be around me while I'm drinking them). We also went to a furniture store to find the arcade...

Great.

Well, it brought back memories of high school, anyway, and that's all that anyone can really ask for.

Also, my film is almost done. Hurrah! Maybe I'll make a real one that I can actually show people once that's finished... But probably not. I lack the proper devices.

it's coming down

I'm trying to make a motion picture...

Honestly, what more do you want from me?

Also, there's a job fair coming up... Sounds like something I need to get in on. I suppose I can't hide from the real world forever. I'm going to have to go there and expose my talents so to speak. Y'know... Show them the whole package. Blow their minds... like they've never been blown before.

Ok, I stole that last one. And I'm done with the inappropriate sexual innuendo. I apologize. It's just that whenever I tell anyone that I can't decide what kind of job I want, they tell me to sell myself on the street. Yea, it was funny at first, but now, I'm starting to think people are serious...

motive

I don't understand. I have no energy... I have no motivation to exercise or socialize. No motivation to do anything. What the hell?

Pull it together, man. I need to get ANGRY. Much like the incredible hulk, rage is what fuels me. We's kindred spirits, me and him... I once ripped out of a shirt... But it was mostly because I was too fat for the shirt.

Kitekitekite

It was pretty outside today at 3... So I left work to fly a kite with Mr. Nik. Totally not gay. TOTALLY.

We made a pretty cool video of it before Nik broke his frisbee and I ripped my pants.

On a fence...

AGAIN.

That's the third pair of pants that I have ripped on a fence. However, this time, I was not drunk. I don't know if that speaks to my credit or not... Well, regardless, it was either ripping my pants open or my hand on the rusty, rusty jaggedness that was the fence top.

Also, blogger.com has been horridly slow lately... So I haven't been updating that often... It was totally blogger's fault and not mine at all. Yea.

Freedom! Horrible, horrible freedom

My boss has left for Texas and Maryland for the week. This should have left me able to enjoy work by playing Grand Theft Auto all day on my PSP. However, I've actually been productive. It doesn't make sense.

Also: I didn't work out today, and I'm not working out tomorrow either. I'm probably still suffering from the stupid sun on Saturday. That's actually just an excuse I make when I'm being lazy for no good reason.

Agh! Poison!

We went to IHOP. That's how it always starts. Following that, Nik desired new strings for his guitar-thing. So we went to Guitar World... Except that instead of a "G" on the sign, it's a picture of a guitar. Yeah. Way to use the fact that no other words in this language end in "uitar", store, 'cuz it totally doesn't look like a "G".

Then, I think we went and looked at swords/guns/instruments of death at some army store. But, following that, we saw Mary and Kate at Mackworth Island. Frisbee was played, Nik touched me on a playground, and then I gathered an audience with my stone-skipping talents. It made me quite depressed, actually. However, we next got to go to my parents' house.

Upon our arrival, we discovered that they had donated all the old books that I wanted to read. CURSES! So we played some pool. I won. HA! By this time, the poison of our foul accursed sun was setting in. Basically, my head was throbbing and I wanted to lie down and die. So I did. For two hours.

I still feel like crap. I hate the sun. I need to wear sunscreen in friggin' March, apparently.

RAWR!

What a crappy day. It's half-snowing, half-raining and I have no desire to go out and run... So I'm stuck in here playing with my blog. That's right. You're my second priority.

Besides the snow, there's the fact that I forgot my glasses today, got to work 30 minutes late, missed the salad bar at lunch and overall just had a very not-good time. It's not that anything was even that terrible, it just wasn't very good. At least I'm not sick.

Basically, if I get sick, it's a fever of 104 and I'm just plain DEAD for a few days. Other than that, I get a tiny bit sniffly sometimes, or have a weird feeling in the back of my throat for a few days. I do get real colds, though, if I'm not working out / overdosing on vitamins. Screw that. I choose health.

S'pht

Hobbit! Tend to your garden, for it withers with disuse!

There are probably about 5 people who know what I'm talking about and don't think I'm insane... Well, they don't think I'm insane for saying that at least. They have other, better reasons to doubt the wellness of my mind. INFIDELS!

classy

Somehow, it's 10 PM. I'm not really sure where the hours between 5:30 and now went. I'm actually fairly sure that they went to "Oh great, you're drunk for no reason" land.

Basically, I remember Mary saying "Brian, you have 15 minutes to get as drunk as possible before we drive to Shaw's (the Shaw)". I also vaguely remember finishing off all the beer in the house, as well as some hard alcohol. Then I recall saying "The Shaw" a lot, being drunk in public, breaking the grill, barbecuing chicken, somehow sort of making chicken broccoli alfredo, getting the worst hiccoughs EVER, and passing out at 7 PM. Justin woke me up at 9 with his yelling. I was still wearing a tie.

We totally ate Cookie Monster.
Then I became white trash again.

Crash!

What a cool day today was... First, I had 5 horrible hours of work... Maybe not that horrible... Then it was off to the bank! Now I have $1300 instead of $20 in my account. sweet

I saw another car accident on the way to the bank - I see one every 3 or 4 days (I'm on the road about an hour every day running). People really suck at driving. Every time, it's someone tailgating or trying to get somewhere too fast. I drive a constant 10-20 m.p.h. over the speed limit, but I do not drive anywhere near other traffic. When I do, I go slow and stay far behind the other cars. That's probably why the only accident I've ever been in was when some crazy girl decided to take a right turn on red into the minivan. I got pulled over once, though. 29 in a 25.

When I got home early, Justin, Nik, Mary and I went to go play some tennis/frisbee/aerobee o'er at yon high school field. It was awesome. Except I lost miserably at tennis to Justin. Apparently, those lessons (and the last time I actually played) back in grade school didn't help me against a seasoned pro. Well maybe he's not so seasoned, but he is overweight. That counts for something, doesn't it? Then, it was time for a quick run and off to Chili's with Mary, Nik and Kate. Shopping soon followed, and I picked up some an awesome Hawaiian shirt, as well as a new white collared short-sleeved shirt (finally) and some socks and workout shirts. Now I think I'm gonna bike briefly and pass out. YAY!

I don't actually know what Magnum, P.I. looks like... But that's my best guess.

Personality

It would seem that Justin and Jackie merely exist to serve as foils for Nik and me. And, Nik and I exist to serve as foils for each other. Oh, foiling is certainly in the air here in Westbrook.

Jackie is passive-aggressive while Nik is passive-passive.
Justin is manic-depressive while I am manic-even more manic.

It's an odd chemistry at work in this house. That's why I'm moving to Idaho. Well, that, and the sweet, sweet free potatos.

I went home to North Yarmouth yesterday to assist father and uncle in dissecting a fallen tree and moving its mutilated carcass into the back of our new pickup truck. I wasn't actually as helpful as I was annoying, though. I basically just stood on a tree stump, took pictures, and made fun of them for being old.

And then there was bowling last night. Bowling and Rolling Rock beer. I drank 5 in about 20 minutes, and a had beer and a shot while at the bowling alley. I absolutely suck at bowling sober or inebriated, so I got a 50 and 58 on my two frames. It was delightfully white trash. As far as good news goes, I now know what people who are too young to drink do with their Saturday nights. Pedophiles would do well to frequent bowling alleys... I know where I'm spending all the rest of my free time.

Don't listen to anyone. EVER.

Someone once told me, "Brian, you need to get your poems published so you can make tons of people cry." I wouldn't be lying to you if I said that this was the same person who told me, "they are short people that feel happy all the time... it is a nice life being a little person" when I asked about lawn gnomes. And so, without further ado - pome:

can you see me desperately trying
to clutch a dream's shattered remains
though my hands are red with blood

silence is torn by the voice of despair
 i realize

i'm peering into absolute clarity
and even the light is obscured.

My pometry teacher didn't like that one either. Well... Shit.

One FULL week

37.5 hours clocked in! That's like working full-time... Full-time for slackers, that is. It's still more than I've done since November, so I guess I'm proud of me.

For this reason, I treated myself to some more 5-star Paad Thai tonight with el Nik. I was too much of a coward to run today (since it was 24 degrees), so I'm lifting and jumping rope at this dumb hour. Yea, pathetic ... But hey, I'm proud of what little progress I've made. Plus, I'll never need to wear lipstick, apparently. That doesn't mean that I won't do it again though.

I'm going to go deposit this past month's checks tomorrow so I don't run out of money and die alone and naked on the street. Then I'm going to go home to make fun of my brother's hangover and to eat my parents' free food. There best be pudding or I'm gonna be pissed.

Westbrook HEAT

My father stopped by today. He turned the heat on in my room.
That's right. I made it from January to March without heat in MAINE.

It wasn't really even all that bad.

I had a pretty good day today, actually. It all started with a nutritious breakfast of OJ and Frosted Mini Wheats. I parked as far away from the door at work as I could (as usual) so I could get paid to walk a half mile across a gigantic parking lot. When I got to the front door, I saw a cluster of poor souls huddled together in the little outdoor smoking hut. It's so hard not to laugh at them. I actually do snicker a little when I walk by. Idiots. I'm so much better than them. Except they all have real jobs. DAMN IT!

I got to call people all around the country at work. The most valuable lesson learned was that I actually enjoy calling people all around the country at work... Maybe my career should be in telemarketing. I actually refused to take the headset off and walked around all day with it on my head. When asked, I told people it was "trendy" and twitched my right eye. Feigning insanity grows more difficult as I slowly slip deeper and deeper into it.

When I got home, the thermo-mitre told me that it was 32 degrees out which is ALMOST not freezing! So I went for a 6-mile run. Actually, I still haven't recovered from that and it's been more than 3 hours. I think I'm going to go pass out now.

end

We've all moved on

What do I miss about college?

Is it learning something valuable every day that I will be able to use for the rest of my life? No. Is it homework? No. Is it being able to sleep in 'til a ridiculous hour every day? No. Is it skipping every class except the tests and still pulling straight As that semester? No. Is it the cafeteria food? No. Living in dorms? Living in apartments? Parties? Alcohol? No, no, no, no. Is it missing graduation to fly to California to discover what I don't want to do with the rest of my life? Ye... wait, no... But that was good too.

I.
just.
can't.
figure.
it.
out.

Hatred

Animals I like: Cats, hamsters, chickadees, sharks, fire ants, and ducks occasionally.

Animals I friggin' HATE: Horses, dogs, mice, rats, guinea pigs, seagulls, mackerel, whales, the elusive manatee, dolphins, leeches, ticks, llamas, camels, donkeys, pigs, chickens, swans, geese, and ducks most of the time.

So now you know. Happy end of February!

Rambling and Incoherent...

Watched Rent in DVD form today... I've gotta admit that I do love a good musical / rock opera, but they certainly butchered it... I won't dwell on it, however, as the DVD is still acceptable. That's right: even post-butchering.

I was thinking about Fridays today at work during one of my few periods of downtime. Friday just doesn't seem to ever be my day. Like, this past Friday night, I spent more than an hour on the phone while playing online games pretending to be female... and being scolded for that over the phone. Wahoo. What an adventure. I always seem to do exciting things on Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday. I suppose that makes me glad that I'm incapable of getting a hangover.

I do say that I want a hangover, but that's really just to piss everyone off. HA! Oh, and I'm mad at my dad for telling everyone that I had a hangover on Thursday. Yea, I drank like 5 glasses of water... Honestly, anyone who's ever been to a restaurant with me knows that I drink water like it's going out of style. HONESTLY.

Controversy

So in my last post, I decided to publish some of my angsty teenage-written poems for you jerks. I wrote that one for my high school poetry class (taught by the hockey coach... best class I've ever taken, actually). We had to use key words in the assignment... I believe they were "steel", "jerking", "focus", "barrel" and "finger". When I look back on it, I should have written about masturbation. However, I decided to poem from the point of view of what I thought of as a reluctant soldier. Apparently, my teacher thought that it was about suicide. We got to have a little talk.

Yesterday was a bit odd... Alex, his sister (Elysia) and some guy named Adam showed up / woke me up. We ended up watching Snatch, going to Shaws for STD brochures, handing said brochures out to Jackie, Justin, and Nik, and then getting rid of Adam. He left his chocolates behind, which I ate. That's the price you pay for my hospitality. Then Justin came downstairs which eventually led to him, Alex, and me getting into a gunfight. I pinned them behind the kitchen counter while hiding in the bathroom. Quick summary: their socks smelled like horrible cheese, they ate a bunch of cereal and hid in the fridge, and I got shot in the chin. A half hour later, we called a truce. I was the only one who wasn't bleeding, so I guess I won?

Nik and Mary got home soon after and we debated going to Thatcher's (the sports bar in Westbrook). However, since Elysia was only 20, I decided that it would be rude of me to go. The evening degraded into 6 of us watching Family Guy and screaming (hopefully pissing off sleeping Jackie). Alex and Elysia ended up spending the night and leaving at different parts of the morning. I made scrambled eggs/sausage for everyone while Justin screwed up cookie pies. Quite an awesome, random sequence of events if you ask me.

Soldier

Polished silver barrel,
Glinting back with steel-gray eyes,
To accuse me of some undone crime;
As if understanding what is about to happen.

Pulse raging, searching for a way out,
My finger slips prematurely,
Jerking the trigger. Time stops;
The sounds merge into memory-

An agonized screaming melody.
All noise comes to focus here.
Somehow, I open my eyes-
But I'm afraid to see.

Workin' Hard

I have had my first grueling 17-hour work-week and I’m not going to lie to you - there were times when I just didn’t think that I would make it. I worked so hard for so long that my body just didn’t want to take anymore. Even after my fingers stopped moving and my eyes couldn’t focus any longer, I pressed on. I pressed on by taking lunch breaks every day. Even on the one which I was only at work for 4 hours. Especially on that one. THAT is the kind of dedication I bring to the table... workforce... thing.

I’ve touched upon it before, but I will now describe my job in more detail. Detail the likes of which mortal man has scarcely dreamed of. The thoroughest of detail: I type stuff. About cats. Sometimes I get other projects, but mostly it’s cat-typing. For example, today I had to enter some stuff about cats and split these pamphlets into 3 equal stacks. I think I did a pretty fantastic job. I do learn some interesting things, however. The most common cat name so far is “Tigger”. My favourite is “Mr. Vanilla Wafers”. That cat doesn’t know how lucky he is. Except he has feline AIDS. I think I just violated some sort of feline confidentiality code in telling you that, but I trust all of you anonymous interweb freaks to keep my secret.

Yay.

It was WEDNESDAY night

... and it was a learning experience. Here are my lessons.

#1: Just because it's Wednesday doesn't mean that all of your roommates won't find reasons of their own to go out to the Boot & Buckle (bar) to observe line dancing.

#2: Three wise men is a shot. Made of alcohol and MORE alcohol. Follow it with many cheap beers.

#3: The mystique and allure of the line dance becomes more... mystical and alluring as the ratio of alcohol to blood in my veins grows.

#AJ: Bouncers named AJ that your roommates all know for some reason will inevitably be twice your size and accuse you of having a weak handshake. Oh, the humiliation.

#5: When you can't drive to the next bar, WALK. Preferably the "back way" which seems to involve railroad tracks and the woods of Westbrook for some reason.

#6: That reason is because you're really, really drunk.

#7: Sports bars in Westbrook close at 11 on Wednesdays. Walk to the nearest trashy bar in the center of town instead. The people in there won't be scary. No, not at all.

#8: When you're drunk enough, playing pool against crazy people from Westbrook becomes a good idea for both us and them. Also, when you're completely sloshed (me), your ASSHOLE roommates will offer you up as the prize for the game...
I'm pretty sure that I'm somebody's bitch now.

#9: Pizza will be ordered upon walking home and regaining some sobriety. It will arrive an hour and ten minutes late, forcing your roommates to shoot you in the abdomen and ass with your own BB gun.

#10: Who the hell thought BB guns were a good idea, anyway?

#11: After getting to sleep at the majestic hour of 2:30 AM, your father will call you in five hours out of the blue wanting to go to Denny's.

#12: Cinnamon raisin French toast and 5 glasses of water are quite possibly the best things in the whole entire world.

Jobby-wob... Said the Pelican

And I'm employed...ish. Yay, I'm back to where I was in August. At least now I'll stop hemorrhaging money. I don't think I spelled that correctly. But I don't care. At least I have a job for a month. Now that I have that out of the way, I need a new job. Yes. Already. So I asked my friend, Julie.

Julie: your going to have to come to terms with that fact that your place is in the kitchen
darkchord: you're probably right
Julie: and your sexy hips are for beariung children...oh wait
darkchord: HEY

So Julie didn't have the answer. This time. So here are my skills:

Great
Organization, Logic, Memory
Good
All artistic skills (music, drawing, photography, etc.), computer stuff... sure
Mediocre
Physical labor, food-prep skills
Poor
Handshakes

NOW - I'll just put all that data into a computer and see what my career future will be! Wonderful!

Answer: Custodian
Grab your mop and bucket, grow out those sideburns, and develop a speech impediment because your amazingly fantastic career in the custodial arts begins today!

Oh FUCK careers.

On Gentleman Spies

International Man of Mystery, The Spy Who Shagged Me, and Goldmember. The wonderful trinity that is Austin Powers. I have just watched all three back-to-back, and I now have the uncontrollable urge to talk like Dr. Evil. All the time. Wonderful. This was obviously another of my great ideas.

Dr. Evil does have the bluest eyes ever, though.

In other news, due to my stupid retarded allergy to sunlight, I have become somewhat tanned thanks to running every other afternoon. Yea, great. Maybe I should wear sunscreen in February too.

I look like one of those trendy fuckers who goes tanning and has pictures and music in their interweb-logs. The anger... it's... That's it, I quit. I'm going to Hot Topic now. If any of you assholes need me, I'll be sitting in Starbucks talking to my homies about MTV's Real World.

That sentence took me 6 minutes to write, and I'm still not even sure that's what people do. Shit.

I'm a fairy princess

Ice skating... yeah. Totally did that yesterday with Danielle, Joey, Kara and Shirley. The ice pond I went to (Westbrook in Biddeford) looked like a war zone - cracked/destroyed/full of holes. For that reason, I couldn't skate as fast as I wanted to, but I tried anyway... The holes ensured that I would fall on my face more times than I usually do, but skating was pretty great anyway despite a temperature in the teens.

Danielle and I made some awesome pizza too. Joey (Danielle's younger brother) doesn't think we should be allowed to call something with barbecue sauce substituted for tomato sauce "pizza"... But I think it was awesome regardless. It was hot, though. I scalded my mouth quite badly on both that and the hot chocolate. Someday, maybe, I will develop the self-control necessary to refrain from drinking/eating substances that are too hot for my mouth to cope with. Someday.

I went home today. It was extremely boring except for the part where Nik and I ran around in my giant backyard/field shooting at each other, hiding behind trees, and hunting annoying crows. Also, I've written 4 posts in 3 days. What the hell... Having the link to this stupid blog in my profile seems to pressure me to write. I suppose that's a good thing since I've been wanting to improve or at least practice my sucky writing skills and voice.

     "And you can't see yourself in the mirror anymore
      And you're alone and green and cold as the sea."

From Harvey Danger's "Underground"... Figure skating and photographic (wish I had a real camera with me instead of my stupid cellphone for the February sea) embodiment of lyrics have made me into a fairy princess. Yay.

Insomnia is like getting shot in the face

See, that is funny because both happened to me today... Or, rather, one happened and one is happening. You know what? I don't care.

Pretty much I can't sleep again. However, Nik and I bought some guns... Mine's a Beretta that propels a small, hard plastic BB at 307 feet per second... Nik has a Smith and Wesson (M4505, I believe) that does much the same thing, only into my face. Basically, we've been shooting each other all evening. When we went outside, he shot me in the face twice. I think I'm going to purchase a bandana to protect my face in the future because this welt won't stop bleeding.

I guess we have Adam over at I am sad guy or whatever .com to thank for getting us into the mature sport of shooting each other, screaming, and laughing like complete morons. Or Airsoft. You know, whichever. I'm glad that at age 23.9 I have matured to the point where I am even LESS responsible than I was as a teenager. Great.

See what you made me do (part II)?

Well, I am doing what I promised myself that I'd never do. I am posting twice in one day... BUT, it is a momentous occasion. I am making the link to my blog public... And adding links to pictures throughout my entries. They're the lovely, totally heterosexual periwinkle-colored links within my entries.

Yes, I know. I am remarkable.

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS

Hoy es... That's as far as my Spanish can take me.

No, it isn't actually the day of the dead - I just like to say that. Though, I do feel slightly dead today. My horrible roommate Jackie who just forbade me to use her likeness in any web-related activities) made me increase the amount of weight that I lift in my "exercises". She did this mostly out of spite, and I can only assume that the other portion of her motivation was composed of strife, stops, siege, sponge, sodomy and other unrelated 5-to-6-letter words beginning with the letter S.

What it all boils down to is that I'm a little/lot bit sore and I'm whining about it because I'm a whiny little fairy. One who whines. A lot.

So anyway, yesterday was weird. I thought I would tell you all about it... Also due to spite, coincidentally. I worked at my temp job at IDEXX doing important things all day. Very important and VERY manly things, I can assure you. In actuality, I sat around taking pictures with my camera phone and harassing everyone who came near me in the mail room. Apparently, this is a good strategy because I was removed forcibly from this location by a couple of crazy girls and made to do a special project for them. At least, that's what they kept calling it. Really, it was data entry for a correlative study attempting to link oral disease to the prevalence of FIV and some other crappy disorder in cats. They don't know that I know that, though.

See, it's funny 'cuz I act retarded all the time so people dumb things down for me... On second thought, I think I am retarded most of the time. Whatever. When I got home, I took my boyfriend (Justin) out to dinner at the Thai place that I don't like down the street. At some point between bouts of staring deeply into each other's eyes, it became apparent that the waitress liked one of us. She kept stopping by our table, smiling and saying "hi" then running off... and had trouble with her lines: "What would you like for water? For drinks... I mean... Would you like water or something to drink?" Justin and I giggled like schoolgirls.
He got warm water and his meal was 20 minutes late. I wonder who she liked.

The crazy old lady who also works there showed up at our table too and stole my Thai iced tea (AGAIN... she did this LAST time I was there too) for some reason. All in all, this was the best Paad Thai I have ever had... I should have gotten 5 stars instead of 4 for spiciness. DAMN!

Then, on the way home, Justin bottomed out in the driveway and started honking like crazy. Jackie and Shelly thought we'd gotten into an accident and freaked out. Our mission was a success.

This is a very long entry. I will sum the rest of the evening up. Justin, Jackie and Shelly left to go somewhere and Nick came home with... a LOT of Guinness. We had 11.5 ounces of it each and it was the worst Guinness that I've ever had. That's not everything that happened, but must remind you all:

I'm not on trial here.
Am I?

I love February 14th!

LoLs! i luv valintines day!!! :) :) :)
it makes me so happy that i can celibrate and get gifts for my GF because a holidya tells me too!

I decided to celebrate this wonderful day in my usual manner (the tradition is not in what I do, but in how I do it). I walked a mile downtown in the freezing cold to pick up some second-rate Lo Mein from a "Chinese Style" restaurant. I then ate it by myself in my room and watched Blade Runner.

Later, I think I'll just sit alone in the dark. Thinking about poetry and the meaningless of existence. Despair. Then I'll cry myself to sleep.

And, for those who might be wondering: No, I'm not bitter about remedial Valentine's Day.

Wait a minute...

Yes. Yes I am and always have been.

I also realize

Nobody even has a link to this blog. I've essentially just been talking to myself all this time. However, this may all change. I'm considering putting a link into my AIM profile.

Wouldn't you all enjoy that? Hmm? Anyone?

Oh right. NOBODY CAN SEE THIS. I guess I can say bad things about everyone now.
Also, I'm not wearing any pants.

I realize

Yes, I can see that I haven't written anything in the past month.

Rest assured: it's not me. It's you.

A Happy New...

Yup. Another holiday that I don't like. Surprise, surprise.

I made no resolutions. It's like Vince Vaughan says in the amazing piece of cinematography that is Dodgeball,

     "If you don't have a goal,
       you're never disappointed."

I don't like Christmas very much

Actually, thinking about it, I think that the only holiday that I do like is probably Halloween. It's not the candy or the dressing up... It's the pumpkins. I'm a sucker for pumpkins. Except for the smell of pumpkins - I really REALLY hate the smell when you cut them open.

I'm spending a few days at home with the family. You know... Celebrating.

I've got a new hobby, I think. It used to be that I hated it. However, after my mountain-climbing "adventures" in '03, it really began to grow on me. Now, it seems, that I can't go anywhere without wanting to bring a camera with me. I think my skills in photography are actually improving as well. Someday, when I get around to putting up some images, I will show you.

Assuming I don't decide to hate pictures and you all in the meantime, that is.

Flavour

It would seem that getting drunk for no reason and wandering down the road to Tim Horton's is a good idea.

Who would have guessed?

I got some great pictures of the event, too. I've still gotta figure out how I want to display them. Someday. SOMEDAY!

Upon closer inspection

As it turns out, I don't even have a journal.

Might as well screw things up

Unemployment. It's a noun.

Supposedly, it means the involuntary idleness of workers. Is it still involuntary if it was... voluntary? Shit.

So what am I? Just jobless, I guess. Great. I'm going to go watch Spiderman 2, drink too much, and write bad things about you all in my journal.

Lost and Gone Forever

The bit of plagiarism that entitles this post... wait... entitles? That's not what that word means... THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT WORD MEANS.

Well, maybe it does mean what I used it to mean. I don't care. The point of the matter is that it refers to another Thanksgiving passed. Thanksgiving? Maybe I should say "let's celebrate the rape of the Native American way of life by the shitty, stupid pilgrims. PAGANS!" Then my saying that would probably degenerate into me chanting "pagans" over and over until someone hit me.

As it turns out, I have no idea what Thanksgiving celebrates or when it originated. It also turns out that I don't care. Honestly, I probably even hate turkey and the consumption thereof. If it wasn't for that damned (nutty) stuffing, there would probably be nothing to like about this or any holiday.

The end.

P.S. I don't care about pilgrims or indians either.

November is a stupid, boring month

Seriously, think about it. This is where time goes to die.

It's not even Halloween yet, you assheads

I'm still mad at you all for making me do this. That's why I haven't written anything in here since creating an account on trendy-blogger-dot-com a couple of weeks ago.

But you cannot stifle my creative spirit with your... your...

subterfuge

Regardless, I am now required to detail the events of last night for your reading pleasure. Actually, there isn't really all that much to tell. There was a pre-Halloween party of sorts here at the ole' Westbrook apartment. Essentially, I ended up getting drunk and playing the old "get up on the roof of your minivan" game. At least this time I was drunk and not just doing it because I have a mental deficit.

So, theoretically, I'll be adding some pictures to my posts at some point. Most likely I'm too lazy to do it anytime soon, so you ingrates will have to wait. Boy oh boy does it ever suck to be you all.

Oh wonderful. See what you made me do?

I used to make a site, back in the day, where I would type news and such on a biweekly basis... However, that was back in '02, before these trendy "blog" things came around. That's when I swore I'd never do it again.

So here I am.
Y'know... Doing it again.