Hatred

Animals I like: Cats, hamsters, chickadees, sharks, fire ants, and ducks occasionally.

Animals I friggin' HATE: Horses, dogs, mice, rats, guinea pigs, seagulls, mackerel, whales, the elusive manatee, dolphins, leeches, ticks, llamas, camels, donkeys, pigs, chickens, swans, geese, and ducks most of the time.

So now you know. Happy end of February!

Rambling and Incoherent...

Watched Rent in DVD form today... I've gotta admit that I do love a good musical / rock opera, but they certainly butchered it... I won't dwell on it, however, as the DVD is still acceptable. That's right: even post-butchering.

I was thinking about Fridays today at work during one of my few periods of downtime. Friday just doesn't seem to ever be my day. Like, this past Friday night, I spent more than an hour on the phone while playing online games pretending to be female... and being scolded for that over the phone. Wahoo. What an adventure. I always seem to do exciting things on Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday. I suppose that makes me glad that I'm incapable of getting a hangover.

I do say that I want a hangover, but that's really just to piss everyone off. HA! Oh, and I'm mad at my dad for telling everyone that I had a hangover on Thursday. Yea, I drank like 5 glasses of water... Honestly, anyone who's ever been to a restaurant with me knows that I drink water like it's going out of style. HONESTLY.

Controversy

So in my last post, I decided to publish some of my angsty teenage-written poems for you jerks. I wrote that one for my high school poetry class (taught by the hockey coach... best class I've ever taken, actually). We had to use key words in the assignment... I believe they were "steel", "jerking", "focus", "barrel" and "finger". When I look back on it, I should have written about masturbation. However, I decided to poem from the point of view of what I thought of as a reluctant soldier. Apparently, my teacher thought that it was about suicide. We got to have a little talk.

Yesterday was a bit odd... Alex, his sister (Elysia) and some guy named Adam showed up / woke me up. We ended up watching Snatch, going to Shaws for STD brochures, handing said brochures out to Jackie, Justin, and Nik, and then getting rid of Adam. He left his chocolates behind, which I ate. That's the price you pay for my hospitality. Then Justin came downstairs which eventually led to him, Alex, and me getting into a gunfight. I pinned them behind the kitchen counter while hiding in the bathroom. Quick summary: their socks smelled like horrible cheese, they ate a bunch of cereal and hid in the fridge, and I got shot in the chin. A half hour later, we called a truce. I was the only one who wasn't bleeding, so I guess I won?

Nik and Mary got home soon after and we debated going to Thatcher's (the sports bar in Westbrook). However, since Elysia was only 20, I decided that it would be rude of me to go. The evening degraded into 6 of us watching Family Guy and screaming (hopefully pissing off sleeping Jackie). Alex and Elysia ended up spending the night and leaving at different parts of the morning. I made scrambled eggs/sausage for everyone while Justin screwed up cookie pies. Quite an awesome, random sequence of events if you ask me.

Soldier

Polished silver barrel,
Glinting back with steel-gray eyes,
To accuse me of some undone crime;
As if understanding what is about to happen.

Pulse raging, searching for a way out,
My finger slips prematurely,
Jerking the trigger. Time stops;
The sounds merge into memory-

An agonized screaming melody.
All noise comes to focus here.
Somehow, I open my eyes-
But I'm afraid to see.

Workin' Hard

I have had my first grueling 17-hour work-week and I’m not going to lie to you - there were times when I just didn’t think that I would make it. I worked so hard for so long that my body just didn’t want to take anymore. Even after my fingers stopped moving and my eyes couldn’t focus any longer, I pressed on. I pressed on by taking lunch breaks every day. Even on the one which I was only at work for 4 hours. Especially on that one. THAT is the kind of dedication I bring to the table... workforce... thing.

I’ve touched upon it before, but I will now describe my job in more detail. Detail the likes of which mortal man has scarcely dreamed of. The thoroughest of detail: I type stuff. About cats. Sometimes I get other projects, but mostly it’s cat-typing. For example, today I had to enter some stuff about cats and split these pamphlets into 3 equal stacks. I think I did a pretty fantastic job. I do learn some interesting things, however. The most common cat name so far is “Tigger”. My favourite is “Mr. Vanilla Wafers”. That cat doesn’t know how lucky he is. Except he has feline AIDS. I think I just violated some sort of feline confidentiality code in telling you that, but I trust all of you anonymous interweb freaks to keep my secret.

Yay.

It was WEDNESDAY night

... and it was a learning experience. Here are my lessons.

#1: Just because it's Wednesday doesn't mean that all of your roommates won't find reasons of their own to go out to the Boot & Buckle (bar) to observe line dancing.

#2: Three wise men is a shot. Made of alcohol and MORE alcohol. Follow it with many cheap beers.

#3: The mystique and allure of the line dance becomes more... mystical and alluring as the ratio of alcohol to blood in my veins grows.

#AJ: Bouncers named AJ that your roommates all know for some reason will inevitably be twice your size and accuse you of having a weak handshake. Oh, the humiliation.

#5: When you can't drive to the next bar, WALK. Preferably the "back way" which seems to involve railroad tracks and the woods of Westbrook for some reason.

#6: That reason is because you're really, really drunk.

#7: Sports bars in Westbrook close at 11 on Wednesdays. Walk to the nearest trashy bar in the center of town instead. The people in there won't be scary. No, not at all.

#8: When you're drunk enough, playing pool against crazy people from Westbrook becomes a good idea for both us and them. Also, when you're completely sloshed (me), your ASSHOLE roommates will offer you up as the prize for the game...
I'm pretty sure that I'm somebody's bitch now.

#9: Pizza will be ordered upon walking home and regaining some sobriety. It will arrive an hour and ten minutes late, forcing your roommates to shoot you in the abdomen and ass with your own BB gun.

#10: Who the hell thought BB guns were a good idea, anyway?

#11: After getting to sleep at the majestic hour of 2:30 AM, your father will call you in five hours out of the blue wanting to go to Denny's.

#12: Cinnamon raisin French toast and 5 glasses of water are quite possibly the best things in the whole entire world.

Jobby-wob... Said the Pelican

And I'm employed...ish. Yay, I'm back to where I was in August. At least now I'll stop hemorrhaging money. I don't think I spelled that correctly. But I don't care. At least I have a job for a month. Now that I have that out of the way, I need a new job. Yes. Already. So I asked my friend, Julie.

Julie: your going to have to come to terms with that fact that your place is in the kitchen
darkchord: you're probably right
Julie: and your sexy hips are for beariung children...oh wait
darkchord: HEY

So Julie didn't have the answer. This time. So here are my skills:

Great
Organization, Logic, Memory
Good
All artistic skills (music, drawing, photography, etc.), computer stuff... sure
Mediocre
Physical labor, food-prep skills
Poor
Handshakes

NOW - I'll just put all that data into a computer and see what my career future will be! Wonderful!

Answer: Custodian
Grab your mop and bucket, grow out those sideburns, and develop a speech impediment because your amazingly fantastic career in the custodial arts begins today!

Oh FUCK careers.

On Gentleman Spies

International Man of Mystery, The Spy Who Shagged Me, and Goldmember. The wonderful trinity that is Austin Powers. I have just watched all three back-to-back, and I now have the uncontrollable urge to talk like Dr. Evil. All the time. Wonderful. This was obviously another of my great ideas.

Dr. Evil does have the bluest eyes ever, though.

In other news, due to my stupid retarded allergy to sunlight, I have become somewhat tanned thanks to running every other afternoon. Yea, great. Maybe I should wear sunscreen in February too.

I look like one of those trendy fuckers who goes tanning and has pictures and music in their interweb-logs. The anger... it's... That's it, I quit. I'm going to Hot Topic now. If any of you assholes need me, I'll be sitting in Starbucks talking to my homies about MTV's Real World.

That sentence took me 6 minutes to write, and I'm still not even sure that's what people do. Shit.

I'm a fairy princess

Ice skating... yeah. Totally did that yesterday with Danielle, Joey, Kara and Shirley. The ice pond I went to (Westbrook in Biddeford) looked like a war zone - cracked/destroyed/full of holes. For that reason, I couldn't skate as fast as I wanted to, but I tried anyway... The holes ensured that I would fall on my face more times than I usually do, but skating was pretty great anyway despite a temperature in the teens.

Danielle and I made some awesome pizza too. Joey (Danielle's younger brother) doesn't think we should be allowed to call something with barbecue sauce substituted for tomato sauce "pizza"... But I think it was awesome regardless. It was hot, though. I scalded my mouth quite badly on both that and the hot chocolate. Someday, maybe, I will develop the self-control necessary to refrain from drinking/eating substances that are too hot for my mouth to cope with. Someday.

I went home today. It was extremely boring except for the part where Nik and I ran around in my giant backyard/field shooting at each other, hiding behind trees, and hunting annoying crows. Also, I've written 4 posts in 3 days. What the hell... Having the link to this stupid blog in my profile seems to pressure me to write. I suppose that's a good thing since I've been wanting to improve or at least practice my sucky writing skills and voice.

     "And you can't see yourself in the mirror anymore
      And you're alone and green and cold as the sea."

From Harvey Danger's "Underground"... Figure skating and photographic (wish I had a real camera with me instead of my stupid cellphone for the February sea) embodiment of lyrics have made me into a fairy princess. Yay.

Insomnia is like getting shot in the face

See, that is funny because both happened to me today... Or, rather, one happened and one is happening. You know what? I don't care.

Pretty much I can't sleep again. However, Nik and I bought some guns... Mine's a Beretta that propels a small, hard plastic BB at 307 feet per second... Nik has a Smith and Wesson (M4505, I believe) that does much the same thing, only into my face. Basically, we've been shooting each other all evening. When we went outside, he shot me in the face twice. I think I'm going to purchase a bandana to protect my face in the future because this welt won't stop bleeding.

I guess we have Adam over at I am sad guy or whatever .com to thank for getting us into the mature sport of shooting each other, screaming, and laughing like complete morons. Or Airsoft. You know, whichever. I'm glad that at age 23.9 I have matured to the point where I am even LESS responsible than I was as a teenager. Great.

See what you made me do (part II)?

Well, I am doing what I promised myself that I'd never do. I am posting twice in one day... BUT, it is a momentous occasion. I am making the link to my blog public... And adding links to pictures throughout my entries. They're the lovely, totally heterosexual periwinkle-colored links within my entries.

Yes, I know. I am remarkable.

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS

Hoy es... That's as far as my Spanish can take me.

No, it isn't actually the day of the dead - I just like to say that. Though, I do feel slightly dead today. My horrible roommate Jackie who just forbade me to use her likeness in any web-related activities) made me increase the amount of weight that I lift in my "exercises". She did this mostly out of spite, and I can only assume that the other portion of her motivation was composed of strife, stops, siege, sponge, sodomy and other unrelated 5-to-6-letter words beginning with the letter S.

What it all boils down to is that I'm a little/lot bit sore and I'm whining about it because I'm a whiny little fairy. One who whines. A lot.

So anyway, yesterday was weird. I thought I would tell you all about it... Also due to spite, coincidentally. I worked at my temp job at IDEXX doing important things all day. Very important and VERY manly things, I can assure you. In actuality, I sat around taking pictures with my camera phone and harassing everyone who came near me in the mail room. Apparently, this is a good strategy because I was removed forcibly from this location by a couple of crazy girls and made to do a special project for them. At least, that's what they kept calling it. Really, it was data entry for a correlative study attempting to link oral disease to the prevalence of FIV and some other crappy disorder in cats. They don't know that I know that, though.

See, it's funny 'cuz I act retarded all the time so people dumb things down for me... On second thought, I think I am retarded most of the time. Whatever. When I got home, I took my boyfriend (Justin) out to dinner at the Thai place that I don't like down the street. At some point between bouts of staring deeply into each other's eyes, it became apparent that the waitress liked one of us. She kept stopping by our table, smiling and saying "hi" then running off... and had trouble with her lines: "What would you like for water? For drinks... I mean... Would you like water or something to drink?" Justin and I giggled like schoolgirls.
He got warm water and his meal was 20 minutes late. I wonder who she liked.

The crazy old lady who also works there showed up at our table too and stole my Thai iced tea (AGAIN... she did this LAST time I was there too) for some reason. All in all, this was the best Paad Thai I have ever had... I should have gotten 5 stars instead of 4 for spiciness. DAMN!

Then, on the way home, Justin bottomed out in the driveway and started honking like crazy. Jackie and Shelly thought we'd gotten into an accident and freaked out. Our mission was a success.

This is a very long entry. I will sum the rest of the evening up. Justin, Jackie and Shelly left to go somewhere and Nick came home with... a LOT of Guinness. We had 11.5 ounces of it each and it was the worst Guinness that I've ever had. That's not everything that happened, but must remind you all:

I'm not on trial here.
Am I?

I love February 14th!

LoLs! i luv valintines day!!! :) :) :)
it makes me so happy that i can celibrate and get gifts for my GF because a holidya tells me too!

I decided to celebrate this wonderful day in my usual manner (the tradition is not in what I do, but in how I do it). I walked a mile downtown in the freezing cold to pick up some second-rate Lo Mein from a "Chinese Style" restaurant. I then ate it by myself in my room and watched Blade Runner.

Later, I think I'll just sit alone in the dark. Thinking about poetry and the meaningless of existence. Despair. Then I'll cry myself to sleep.

And, for those who might be wondering: No, I'm not bitter about remedial Valentine's Day.

Wait a minute...

Yes. Yes I am and always have been.

I also realize

Nobody even has a link to this blog. I've essentially just been talking to myself all this time. However, this may all change. I'm considering putting a link into my AIM profile.

Wouldn't you all enjoy that? Hmm? Anyone?

Oh right. NOBODY CAN SEE THIS. I guess I can say bad things about everyone now.
Also, I'm not wearing any pants.

I realize

Yes, I can see that I haven't written anything in the past month.

Rest assured: it's not me. It's you.